I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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