Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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