I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
They took my balls.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
