Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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