Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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