i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
