i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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