I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
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