my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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