Nicole vs. Life
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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