Me too!
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
