You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm too high and old for this...
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
