Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
