My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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