It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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