drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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