I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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