I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize