I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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