there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
