How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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