sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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