Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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