Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize