the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
