"it" just moved
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
