Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
