Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
