I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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