he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
