my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
