that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
