I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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