my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
