At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
