I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
