i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
