sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
