You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i came on her dog
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
