i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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