She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
