Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
