I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
