My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
