During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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