I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
