i just wanna soil my oats bro
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
