Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
