nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
