Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
