Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
