I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Randomize
