In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
