i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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