I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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