Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
