The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize