.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
you never un-have a 4some
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
