He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
