I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize