I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Randomize
