Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
