her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
