And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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