I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize